And you’re left wondering: How can I help them see this is important?
It’s natural to feel frustrated and hurt. You may find yourself thinking, “Why can’t they just take this step?” or “If they cared about themselves, they’d get help.” You want what’s best for them, and when they refuse, it can feel like they’re dismissing help.
It is hard to see someone reject support that could improve their life. It is important to understand that their resistance may stem from complex, personal reasons. Your role isn’t to “fix” them, but to guide them toward seeing that counselling could be the next step. How do you approach someone who resists help, even when you know they need it? With empathy, patience, and good strategies.
Understanding Resistance
Common reasons for resisting therapy include:
- Fear of being seen as weak, especially for professionals.
- Negative past experiences with therapy.
- Hopelessness, thinking nothing will change.
- Denial or overwhelm, not recognizing the extent of their struggles.
Understanding these factors will help you shape your approach and improve your chances of being a positive influence.
Tips for Approaching the Subject
Below are several strategies to navigate the sensitive conversation of seeking counselling:
- Choose the Right Time and Setting
Pick a calm, private setting, avoiding stressful moments for an uninterrupted conversation. - Use “I” Statements to Express Concern
Frame your concern in terms of your own feelings. For example:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been withdrawing lately, and I’m really concerned about you,” instead of “You’re acting depressed.” - Validate Their Feelings
Acknowledge their perspective, even if you don’t agree. Say, “I understand you feel you can handle this alone,” then gently add, “I see how much you’re struggling, and I wonder if talking to someone could help.” - Provide Specific Examples
Be concrete: “I’ve noticed you’ve had trouble sleeping recently,” or “You seem more withdrawn than usual. I haven’t seen you at any get-togethers lately.” - Frame Counselling as Wellness, Not Just Treatment
Emphasize that therapy isn’t just for mental illness, but also for personal growth. “Talking to someone could help you develop coping strategies for managing stress.” - Reassure Them About Confidentiality
Let them know that counselling is a safe, private space where they can share freely, without judgment. - Offer Practical Support
Help ease the process by assisting with finding a therapist, checking insurance, or offering to drive them to their first appointment. - Be Patient
It may take time for them to be open to counselling. Keep the conversation going, offer consistent support, and manage expectations—some people may take longer to come around.
Phrases to Use (and How to Say Them)
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been [specific behavior], and I’m really worried about you.”
- “I understand you feel you can handle this on your own, but I also see you’re struggling. Counselling could provide extra support.”
- “Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Self-care matters.”
- “Therapy isn’t just about fixing problems, it’s also a place to explore your feelings and learn coping skills.”
- “I’m here for you no matter what. I just want you to be happy and healthy.”
Important Considerations for You
- Don’t Take It Personally
Don’t take it personally—resistance isn’t about you, it’s rooted in their own fears or misconceptions. - Set Boundaries
Offer support, but recognize your limits. You can’t force someone to seek help. - Continue to Offer Support
Even if they don’t pursue counselling right away, let them know you’re still there for them. Your ongoing support matters.
Encouraging someone to seek counselling requires patience, empathy, and support. With the right approach, you can help them take the first step toward healing.
While you can be a compassionate ally, sometimes professional guidance is needed to navigate these difficult conversations. If you’re feeling unsure about how best to approach someone, don’t hesitate to seek guidance yourself.