Couples Counselling in Nanaimo
Repairing disconnection and shifting the cycle
Relationships can become caught in cycles that are hard to shift from the inside: A pattern that keeps returning, a disconnect that has become harder to repair, conversations that no longer land the way they once did.
Couples work integrates the structure of skills-based approaches with the depth of psychotherapy. It attends to how you interact day-to-day, alongside the emotional forces that take over when conflict arises or connection falters. We slow the interaction down to make the cycle visible, so the moment connection is lost can be seen and responded to differently.
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Why Couples Seek Counselling
Couples often seek counselling when:
- conversations become repetitive or circular
- conflicts escalate quickly and go unresolved
- emotional connection is strained or distant
- trust has been shaken, or a rupture needs repair
- intimacy has changed — physically, emotionally, or both
- life transitions (parenting, health, work stress, aging) strain the relationship
- you feel more like roommates than partners
- you want to reconnect but aren’t sure how anymore
These moments reveal where the relationship is being asked to change.
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How the Work Unfolds
Couples counselling is an active process. I focus on the pattern that takes over under stress, rather than assigning blame.
We slow interactions down so emotions can be felt without overwhelming the conversation. This makes the moments where things escalate or repeat visible. Safety develops through attention to tone, timing, and how each of you responds when things get charged.
As the cycle comes into view, we work with it directly to understand how each of you participates in it and what it is protecting.
This work supports a functioning partnership: the ability to stay present during difficulty, and to meet conflict with clarity, respect, and attuned connection.
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What This Work Asks of Both Partners
Progress requires a shift in perspective, from “who is right” to “what is happening between us.” This depends on each partner’s willingness to notice their own reactivity, especially the impulse to defend, withdraw, blame, or escalate.
Therapy works best when both partners stay engaged and take responsibility for their part in the cycle, even when the process feels uncomfortable.
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What Happens in a Session
In session, I focus on the patterns, in particular, the moments of intensity or disconnection as they arise, so that what is happening between you can be understood and responded to differently.
Conversations are structured so each partner can speak from their experience without being overtaken by reactivity. When familiar patterns pull things off course, I interrupt the process so underlying emotions can be addressed rather than repeated.
We pay close attention to moments of rupture and repair as opportunities to see how connection is lost and restored. We work toward a relationship that is honest, direct, and able to hold under pressure.
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My Approach
My work with couples integrates Gottman Method Couples Therapy with emotionally focused and depth psychotherapy. This allows us to work with both the practical realities of conflict and the deeper emotional and relational forces shaping how you meet one another.
The Gottman Method provides clear structure for working with conflict and rebuilding trust. I integrate this with emotionally focused, sex-positive, and depth psychotherapy, which helps us address the histories, meanings, and emotional forces that get activated between you.
I provide practical guidance and skill-building when they serve the deeper work of understanding why the relationship takes the shape it does, and how different ways of relating can emerge.
This approach allows us to work not just on behaviour, but on what moves within and between you.
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For Couples Who Want Lasting Change
Couples counselling is more than reducing conflict. It is about strengthening the foundation of the relationship so it can hold difference, repair, and growth.
This work is for couples who want to understand what keeps them stuck and repair what has been hurt. Instead of avoiding tension, the focus is on staying present and connected in the moments that matter.
A painful rupture, a growing disconnect, or the sense that the relationship is being asked to change — these are the points where the work begins. Moving forward requires a willingness to look beneath the surface.
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Beginning the Work
We begin with an initial session to understand your relationship and the patterns that need to be addressed. We look at your history, current tensions, and where repair is most needed.
From there, we establish a rhythm that supports stability and allows for work of substance.
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